We Are Not Ourselves Summary & Key Insights

Matthew Thomas's "We Are Not Ourselves" follows the tumultuous life of Eileen Tumulty, a vibrant and fiercely independent woman, from her early years in 1970s New York to her eventual decline in the face of Alzheimer's disease. The novel unfolds non-linearly, weaving together past and present to paint a complete, if fragmented, portrait of Eileen and her complex relationships.

Eileen's early life is marked by passionate romance with Ed Leary, a charming but ultimately unreliable man who fathers her child, and her subsequent struggles to balance motherhood and a career. This period establishes Eileen’s strong will and independent spirit, even amidst significant challenges. She works tirelessly, first as a waitress and then as a successful real estate agent, all while raising her daughter, Molly.

Molly, portrayed as the polar opposite of her mother, is a reserved and introspective character. Their relationship is deeply strained, marked by both love and resentment, mirroring the complexities of familial bonds. Molly witnesses Eileen's struggles with mental health, including her manic episodes and subsequent diagnosis of Alzheimer's, and carries a heavy burden of caregiving. This creates a dynamic in which the roles of mother and daughter become increasingly blurred as Eileen’s cognitive abilities deteriorate.

The novel explores several key themes. The overarching theme is the disintegration of self and the impact of memory loss on both the individual and their loved ones. Eileen's struggle with Alzheimer's allows Thomas to explore the nature of identity—who we are, and what remains of ourselves when our memories fail. The story challenges the notion of a fixed self, showcasing how our memories and experiences shape our identity, and how that identity can be lost and yet still somehow persist.

Furthermore, the novel delves into themes of motherhood, familial relationships, and the search for meaning in life. The complex mother-daughter dynamic underscores the enduring and often conflicted nature of these bonds. The complexities of caregiving, the emotional toll it takes, and the shifting power dynamics between Eileen and Molly are sensitively portrayed. The narrative also highlights the challenges of navigating life's unpredictability and accepting the inevitable losses that come with aging and illness.

Ultimately, "We Are Not Ourselves" is a poignant exploration of memory, identity, and the enduring power of human connection in the face of profound loss. It's a story about grappling with the fragility of life and finding solace in the imperfect bonds that shape us. The novel’s strength lies in its honest and unflinching portrayal of the challenges of aging and the enduring love that persists even amidst the devastation of disease.