The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands Summary & Key Insights

Laura Schlessinger's "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" isn't a novel with a plot in the traditional sense; it's a self-help book offering advice to women on improving their marriages. The "plot," if you will, is the unfolding of Schlessinger's perspective on the dynamics of marriage and the roles of wives and husbands, often rooted in traditional gender roles. There's no central character, but the book implicitly centers on the wife, the reader, who is presented as needing guidance to understand and nurture her marriage. The "husband" is a more generalized figure, representative of men's needs and expectations within marriage as Schlessinger perceives them.

Schlessinger's advice is based on a blend of her own experiences, observations, and her interpretation of psychological and sociological principles. The key themes revolve around communication, mutual respect, and the importance of fulfilling one's respective roles within the marital partnership. She emphasizes the wife's crucial role in creating a supportive and loving home environment, advocating for practices like expressing appreciation, providing physical affection, and understanding her husband's emotional needs, which she often frames within traditional gender stereotypes.

The book emphasizes the significance of understanding the fundamental differences between men and women. Schlessinger argues that men and women communicate differently and that wives need to learn to communicate effectively with their husbands. This involves understanding their different approaches to problem-solving and emotional expression. She advises against nagging or criticizing, advocating instead for clear, direct communication and expressing needs without blaming or demanding.

A significant theme is the importance of maintaining one's individual identity while fostering a strong partnership. Schlessinger cautions against losing oneself completely in the marriage, urging women to maintain their hobbies and friendships. However, this advice is often intertwined with the expectation that wives prioritize their husbands' needs and create a harmonious home life.

While she promotes mutual respect and understanding, the book's emphasis on traditional gender roles and the wife's responsibility to create a nurturing atmosphere has drawn considerable criticism. The book’s suggestions can be interpreted as advocating for a somewhat unequal dynamic where the wife bears a disproportionate responsibility for the happiness and well-being of the marriage, aligning with traditional expectations of women's roles in a family. The book's popularity also reflects the societal context in which it was written, showcasing the prevalent views on marriage and gender roles in the late 20th century. Ultimately, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" presents a specific, and often controversial, view of marital dynamics, prompting ongoing debates about gender roles and expectations within marriage.