I Am Not Myself These Days Summary & Key Insights

Josh Kilmer-Purcell's "I Am Not Myself These Days" is a memoir chronicling a pivotal period in his life marked by profound grief, unexpected love, and the transformative power of rural living. The narrative centers on the author's experience following the sudden death of his partner, Dr. Steve, a renowned physician, leaving Josh grappling with unimaginable loss and a future irrevocably altered.

The book's main plot follows Josh's journey of healing and rediscovery as he navigates the complexities of grief alongside the unexpected romance blossoming with his new partner, Brent. He describes the isolating nature of grief, the intense emotional rollercoaster of mourning, and the challenges of rebuilding his life in the aftermath of such a significant loss. His escape and solace are found in the charming, albeit dilapidated, farmhouse he and Steve had purchased in upstate New York. This move represents both a physical and emotional distancing from his previous life in New York City and provides fertile ground for introspection and healing.

Alongside Josh, Steve remains a powerful presence throughout the narrative, not just as a memory but as an integral part of the story's fabric. The book frequently revisits cherished memories of their relationship, offering glimpses into their life together and highlighting the depth of their love and shared experiences. Brent emerges as a vital character, not merely as a replacement for Steve but as a supportive figure who understands and respects Josh's grief, allowing him to love again on his own terms. The supporting cast includes friends and family who offer varying levels of support, underscoring the diverse ways individuals cope with and respond to grief and loss.

Central themes explored in "I Am Not Myself These Days" include the multifaceted nature of grief, the importance of community and support during times of adversity, the process of healing and self-discovery, and the enduring power of love, both lost and found. The book underscores the non-linearity of grief, acknowledging its ebbs and flows, its unexpected resurgences, and the long and often unpredictable path toward acceptance. The transformation of the farmhouse mirrors Josh's personal journey; the renovation process parallels the rebuilding of his life and his ability to create a new space filled with love and hope despite the profound sadness he carries. Ultimately, the narrative demonstrates the possibility of finding love and joy amidst profound loss, highlighting the resilience of the human spirit and the capacity for healing and growth even in the face of devastating tragedy.